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Also in the never-marrieds are those who are phobic to a point of paralysis – be it fear of commitment, emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, “settling,” or any combination of the above.There are some who did manage to get engaged once or twice but pre-marital jitters or last-minute revelations scotched the wedding, sometimes at the eleventh hour and they’re scarred or damaged from this in some fashion.Among the divorced men, a lot of them had a harrowing divorce experience themselves where they lost their families (or any least their family life), daily access to their kids and their homes (as in their physical residences, often necessitating an involuntary downsizing in accommodation).The divorce itself probably cost a small fortune and the men still have to pay yeshiva tuition, camp tuition, child support and sometimes even the mortgages on their former homes.Often, their former husbands did unpleasant things either during the marriage or the divorce (or both) and so a lot of these ladies really don’t want another man padding around the house scratching himself, watching sports on TV and making all the male bodily noises that they now find repugnant after a decade or two of living with their often now-hated ex.They would make an exception for a hedge fund guy bringing in seven figures a year and who looks like Brad Pitt, but these fellows are few and far between.There are also some never-marrieds who are confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes who actually revel in the superficially fun lifestyle of dating someone new all the time.These people will also tell you they’re still looking for “the one,” because it’s just socially unacceptable in the Orthodox world to say you don’t want to get married, but they really don’t.
Not to denigrate the very real anxiety of these young ladies and their parents but at 22 a person has no end of personal possibilities and opportunities. While some may bemoan that every single young man and woman in their early 20s is not married by their 21st birthday, nevertheless there are no end of weddings filling up the calendar on any given Thursday or Sunday night and on many other afternoons and evenings as well.There’s nothing simple about divorce (especially with children) and it usually results in the swapping of one set of problems for another.Sometimes people are so frantic to change their lives that they’ve no real idea of how difficult it may be to ever get remarried. People who divorced young, under 30 and with no kids or with one or two have a high probability of getting remarried if they’re marriage-minded.For women over 35 it is trickier especially as the more children a divorced woman has goes right to the heart of her eligibility and chances for remarriage but you still see a bunch of second marriages in one’s 30s.When the big four-oh hits, everything changes and marriages practically stop cold.
Because of that, on the flip side of the coin are singles who go off the derech.